crustmas in da sitty
by nootril melk hotell
Summary: sinse CRUSTMAS is mi favrit seesin i rote a storrie for all muy frendz. have a gr8 fangzgiving!


it wuz da chrustmas seesin in da hungre games. katnus peta and gail were hung gottik jeesus dekurashuns. it wuz snowin teers of blud outsid. den katnus brust into teers.

"omg wats rong bby" say both gall and petta.

"i wish mi frend taylir culd be wif us celerybratting da hollidai seesin" she say abot da hot sexi guy who saffed her lyfe in da hungre games bot fuhrick and haymutch kiled him and den buttfuked him cuz dey r hug fagits.

"i herd dere is a playce in da nurth pole" say pesta "to bring bak da ded"

goal gasp happly. "i must cull sidknee!" sidney wuz tailor bust frend b4 he dyed and dey hud all kynds of advinshurs togetta and lisened to nootril melk hotell.

sidnee pik up da fone. "woo is dis fagits" she say.

"it are katnus peta nd gail" we say.

sedney smole. "murry crustmas! do u wunt 2 go shupping at hot tupik?"

"assually nut 2day" katnus say. "weh haf 2 go to da nurth pole and bring tailer bak from da ded b4 crustmas dai"

sidknee gasp. "ill be write dere and den we can go" den ring dorebel. seh wuz werring a red and blak cristmas sweter wif a piksure of a skull and blody snooflakes. she hud gotik santa errings in her sexupple perced ears. her blund hare wuz died red and blak and wite and seh had on gothik snooman buts wif a 5 ench hell cuz she was rlly shurt natrilly.

"are u gys reddy 2 go" sidny say.

"hell yes" katnus poota and gayle all say. dey git intwo flowing car and fly in da nyte ski.

gayl lok da map. "da nurth pole is aboot 1000 millun myles awai form we at. weh mite nut git dere b4 crustmas and toomorrow iz cristmas eeve."

"fuk" sidnee say. "accio tym masheen" (seh wuz also a weezird)

weh all git ot of car and step intwo da tyme machine. but o shit, haymilk and fuhrik weer in dere!

"hullo u sexi goffs" dey say creepie. "dis time masheen is headed tord uranus!1!"

"D: oh nooooooooooooo!11onefuk!" weh all yorkle as da time masheen sparkel brite pink and fly intwo a ski of runbows. katnus wuz horefyed to diskover dey were in perp hevvin.

"are we ded" say sidknee. finik and haymish guggle.

"no u are knot u silly gurl" dey say. "u r heer to becum preps. 1st you moost not lestin to nootril melk hotell. secund u cunnot hav crustmas only hakuna. funlly u moost hav gay buttsex wif all of us"

"look mothrefukers" say pesta. "we r on a qwest to sav r frend tayler cuz u fags kiled him. if u dunt let uz go weh will remoov pennis and shov dem in ur moufs"

funik and haymich cuckle mincingly. "u fink we cant fite sum cray cray goff emos? u r stoopid and dum"

"seemin staynes da montintops" yorkled sidnee. seh trunsformed into ann frank! seh storted throwin a bunch of jooish bubles at hamish and fuhrick. dere ushes fly intwo da prep raynebow ovre da see.

"omg sidnee!1" katnus poota and gall yorkle as sidknee turn bak into sidney aftre beeing ann frunk.

"nowe lets go git r frend tatlor bak!1" weh declaire. weh git intwo thyme masheen bot it wuz brokin inside!

"fuk" katnus say. "wat da hole to weh do know?"

"i no wat 2 do to hulp" say a voyce behund dem. it wuz a man wif a gun and curdly blak hare. his faec had a sexi beerd and he wuz werring whyte fondation. dere wuz anothre sexi guy wif a corsebow nixt to him and a blak lady wif a sord. dere wuz alpo a teenaje boy and a babby.

"i um rik groomes" say da man. "dis is durell dicksun and mi gurlfrend meeshone and r kids karl and joodith"

"weh hav to git to da norf pole" katnus say. "it will be cristmas in 2 dais and weh wunt to bring r frend tailor bak from da ded"

"r town is fool of zombys" say darell sadly. "weh ned to go 2 da norf pole b4 crustmas 2 two git rid of da zombys"

"i hav tikits to a nootril melk hotell cuncert" say jewduth da babby.

"dat wuz suposed 2 bee secrete" mishone say.

"is takin playce rite now" kurl say.

"ok let is go" katnus say. sednee turd intwo a dargin and evry1 git on her bak. da sidnee dargin wuz werring a goffik crustmas sweeter nd had stuby leetl arms and legs and blund hare. her big kewl wingz were red and blak and hud skulls on dem. seh hud a jungle bell on her tale so it sunded like santa sleh as seh fly thru sky and seh breefed cold red frust.

"hear we r" katnus say. juff mungo wuz singin king of carat flowerz.

"I LUV U JUSES CRUST!11" He yorkled. but den thundre and litning crakled and jeff mango fall of da stayge! He wuz electrocutioned. He wuz all blak and burned. weh run up 2 Him to get His autograff.

"plz tell ann frunk da draygin dat i luv her" He say tuchin sedkney's face. "weh well meat on a clowd bootiful gurl"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!1111%%fuk" sidnee yorkle. weh wuz so stresed and depresed seh turd red all ovre! she gayned 1000 ft in heyt and hur eyez turned red. luva shut ot of her mouf!

"krackatowa!11!" seh screm as her hed turd into a VULCANO and shawt out 1000 dargons. dey all look like jeff mango. dey stort killin all da zombys in da hole tristate area.

"u r a troo hero sidnee" rik say. "weh can no returd to r groop and stort a new lyfe." he and daril and karl and meeshone and jewdith git in a dargin and fly away. vulcano sydnee turn bak into a gurl.

"i nevr relized dat i wuz destened to be ann frunk" seh murmur. "i tink we cun git to da nerf pole is weh fall don dis vulcano hole" dere wuz stell a vulcano dat sidney mayde on da grund. seh turned intwo a lava proof dargin and weh fly done da vulcano at recurd pase.

it wuz sooper cold as weh gut close to da end of da vulcano. sidnee turd into a polir beer wif wingz so weh culd snoogle in her fur. snow storted fallin. it wuz a bluzzard!

"wutch out yetty!" gael yorkled. it churged us wif it fur covred in blud.

"u shull not assess da portul of internal lyfe!" it gorwled. sydnee storted flupping her bolar bar wings and mayde a tyfoon of snoo! den seh bit yettys hed off.

"deres da portal" pesta say weh all runs to da portal.

"whoo shull i grant reberf form da ded" it ask.

"taylir shorp taylir shorp" weh all say.

"will do" it say. den taylir apper! he wuz smelling and huppy to be alive. weh all kised and hugged him and dere wuz cheesy-ass cryin.

"did i mis da iggy azalea concert" he ask.


End file.
